ring ring

To the man who answers his phone in the bathroom,

You think you're better than me?

Regards,
Seth

cta shame

There's a special kind of shame I feel when I ride public transportation.

No, I'm not uncomfortable sitting next to strangers. It doesn't bother me when people blast their music too loudly. I didn't even mind it when someone pooped in a fingerless glove and then left in on the Brown Line.

Okay, I sort of minded that. I mean, the poop glove (plove?) was just rolling around, and everyone was trying to avoid eye-contact with it. It was like the plove was a lost tourist, searching desperately for someone to send it in the right direction. The right direction, by the way, is directly into the face of whatever douchebag left it there.

No, I can handle all of that stuff. So, what is the most shameful part of riding the L?

You're sitting.
Other people are standing.
There's a seat open next to you.

No one takes it.

What the hell, guys? I mean, I know I'm tall. I'm not that tall, though. What, do I smell or something? No. No, don't answer that, because I know I don't smell. In fact, you kinda smell. Yeah. And listen, all I've got is this laptop bag. The lady sitting across from me has three bags of crap from the Disney Store and that 240 pound man managed to snuggle in next to her! I don't look creepy, either. I'm like a non-threatening toddler! Actually, you know what? Sit here. I dare you. Sit down next to me and I will make your life a living hell. Oh, you wanted to ride in silence? I'm sorry, now the volume on my music is at ALMOST FULL BLAST! I can't put it at full blast, because it hurts my ears a little. Oh, and my arm? I'm gonna let it SORTA TOUCH YOURS. HAHAHAHAHA-

Oh, you didn't sit down because you were getting off at the next stop. Ok.

Bye.

...how do you poop IN a glove? What kind of concentration does that take?!